Funnies
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your Ex-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
3 Indians and 3 Frenchmen
3 INDIANS and 3 FRENCHMEN are travelling by train to a Cricket match at the World Cup. At the station, the 3 FRENCHMEN buy a ticket each and watch as the 3 INDIANS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the FRENCHMEN. "Watch and learn," answers one of the INDIANS.
They all board the train. The FRENCHMEN take their respective seats but all 3 INDIANS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The FRENCHMEN see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the INDIAN style on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To their astonishment, the INDIANS don't buy any ticket at all!!! "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed FRENCHMAN. "Watch and learn," answers an INDIAN.
When they board the train, the 3 FRENCHMEN cram into one toilet and soon after the 3 INDIANS cram into another nearby toilet. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the INDIAN leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the FRENCHMEN are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The INDIAN takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet.
A Close Shave
This afternoon, I drove to the conservatory for a rehearsal with a student.
When I arrived at about 4pm, all the parking lots there were full, so I had to drive elsewhere to look for an empty lot. I finally found one but that was like, a long walk to the conservatory, so I decided to drive back there and park at the only available lot........ for the handicapped. I was taking a big risk, because a car and a motorbike were clamped some time back, for parking in that lot. Moreover, the campus security will only stop doing their rounds after 6pm, so that left me "in danger" for about 2hrs. Nevertheless, as I was already late for my rehearsal at 4pm, I decided to take the risk.
I wrote a note, "Please call me at XXXXXXXX. Sorry I couldn't find a parking lot", put it on my car's dashboard, and left. I was very jittery throughout the rehearsal, as I wasn't sure if the campus security would be kind enough to really call me, or they would just clamp my car and leave me in deep s***.
Then, my handphone rang. It WAS the campus security. They (2 men) asked me to remove my car immediately. I stopped the rehearsal mid-way and dashed to my car. I received a warning from them, not to do it again. Luckily for me, there was an empty lot at that moment. I quickly parked my car there. You can't imagine how grateful I was to the two men for not clamping my car, and for giving me a chance by calling me to remove it. I thanked them so many times that they looked so amused.
Wow! It really was a very close shave, man! I wouldn't want to go through that again!
Our Bundle Of Joy
Voila! Here's my little baby nephew. He was born early this morning. Ain't he cute? :) After receiving a call from my brother that my sister-in-law had given birth, my parents, my sis and I rushed down to the hospital to catch our first glimpse of the new-born, at around 1.30am. We were all SOOOOO delighted to see him! Later in the day, our relatives also came to look at him, and everyone who saw him exclaimed that he's very cute. An aunt kept exclaiming "SO CUTE!", and she even asked us to bring the baby for her to play with. Haha! We were so amused! He still doesn't have a name yet. We're all chipping in our brains for one. As long as he's perfectly healthy, that's all that matters!
Welcome to our big family, baby! I can't wait to cuddle and kiss you! Haha! *MUACK!*
An Exciting Piece of News
This morning, my brother and my heavily pregnant sister-in-law gave us a piece of really exciting and pleasant news:-
My sister-in-law started bleeding a little last night, indicating that she'll be giving birth anytime real soon! They're now at the hospital, and we're all eagerly waiting for them to tell us the time of birth, so that we can all wait for the baby's arrival at the hospital.
OOH! I'm SOOO EXCITED!!! I can't wait to see my little nephew!!! :D
Complicated Relationships
On my way driving to work early this morning, I heard this talk on relationships over the radio.
One caller called in to say that she hates the sight of her brother-in-law. The host thought that she meant her sister's husband, but it turned out that she meant the brother of her sister-in-law. The host then asked her if he was ugly. She said "no", but added that he's not good-looking either, and he looks exactly like his mum. The host were dumbfounded.
The host then told a story of a guy who married his grandmother. It turned out that his grandfather married a much younger woman some time ago, and after he died, this guy married her. Therefore, his grandmother became his wife!
Last year, I read in the papers that a man had sex with his daughters and nieces, and the ladies later gave birth. So the man became father-cum-granfather, and also father-cum-granduncle; his daughters became mothers-cum-grandmothers, while his nieces became mothers-cum-grandaunties... I pity their kids. They must be as confused as me!
I'll be welcoming the birth of my little nephew anytime soon, so does that make me an uncle or aunty???
My Valentine's Day
Today is Valentine's Day.
I spent half the day doing accompaniment.
The fun part came when JS, D, my sis and I went around hunting for a place for supper after 10pm. We initially wanted to dine at The Ritz, but as we arrived there at about 10.45pm, we were told that the kitchen had closed for the night. The only available munchies were desserts. As JS and I had not had dinner yet, we all decided to go somewhere else. In the end, the next few hotels that we went to were also closed for dinner orders. We then walked to The Esplanade and JS suggested dining at Gluttons Square, but as the weather was very warm , we decided to go to Thai Express where we would have air-conditioning.
When we reached there, we were told that they were closing for the night. Totally hungry and quite pissed off by now, we decided to go to the 24-hr Swenson's outlet in Orchard. We walked all the way back to our car, which was parked at The Ritz, and drove to Orchard, only to see super long queues of people waiting to go to Swenson's. In the end, we drove to the 24-hr Kopitiam outlet next to Waterloo Street, and finally, we were able to have a proper meal.
The 4 of us talked about everything and anything, and with JS and D, the 2 great jokers around, we were never bored.
At about 2am, JS went home first, as he was very tired. D, my sis and I stayed on a while longer to exchange yummy ghosts stories/encounters, and we finally parted at 2.30am.
What a fun way to spend Valentine's Day! :D
My Nosey Neighbour
I have a neighbour, A, who's super nosey and she makes enemies wherever she goes. She likes to probe into your affairs and ask you questions non-stop. She also likes to create troubles.
Once, her husband was punched by a neighbour, B, all because of some remarks she made about B and his dogs. Being a cat-lover and staying in an estate dominated by dogs, she just can't seem to get along with him and his dogs, and she's always complaining about them. She told my mum that B ill-treated her (stray) cats, which were not true. Then she complained that his dogs were very noisy. It's because they don't like her too, so everytime she walks past, they'll bark at her. Things got so bad that she called the police on B a few times, and this made him so mad that he complained to us and called her whatever nasty names he could think of.
This evening, my mum told me that A and another neighbour, C, slapped each other over........ a kitten. Apparently, C found a kitten at his house, so he put it in a cardboard box and brought it over to A's house. C then sort of, threw the box with the kitten inside, in front of A. A got mad and slapped C, and C slapped her back. Haha! So funny! I was so amused to hear that.
A may be irritating, but she sure is a form of entertainment to us.
Serenade And Strings
My sis and I attended "Serenade and Strings: Corrinne May in Concert" tonight at the University Cultural Centre Hall. It was full house and the audience, consisting mainly of university students, simply loved her. We are very glad to see locals giving so much support to our very own local talent.
Corrinne May presented a selection of songs from both her albums, and a handful of new songs. They are generally very nice, but I prefer her slow and sentimental ones from her first album, which have great melodies and touching lyrics. Her piano playing was also very good, and I especially like the way she played the introductions to most of her songs. Very new age and instrumental, with a very strong western influence.
However, tonight's less-than-2-hour concert seemed very draggy, compared to the Li brothers' concert 2 days ago, whose almost-3-hour concert seemed to pass by very quickly. I guess it comes down to how one presents one's concert.
Nevertheless, Corrinne May is one songwriter to look out for, and I'm already looking forward to her next album.
A Night Of Fun And Laughter
This evening, JS, D, my sis and I had dinner at Va Va Voom Cafe, a chic, little Vietnamese restaurant. We had "lou hei", vietnamese spring rolls, fried chicken and net prawn rolls. They were DELICIOUS!!! And the drinks: lemongrass with honey and lime green tea with mint were simply refreshing. S, the boss and also friend of my sis, joined us later for the "lou hei". During dinner, JS and D were really funny and we were all laughing our heads off. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Those two, ah! They can start a joint comedy show, man! Hahaha!
After dinner, we hung around the cafe, waiting for the last two customers to leave before we could start our mahjong game, in the cafe itself. I really regretted not bringing my camera. It would be great to capture the rare mahjong-in-cafe moments, but alas! Anyway, mahjong was fun and S was rather impatient, but in a funny and friendly way. We really had a great time and it was a pity that the game had to end after 2am.
After leaving S' cafe, the four of us walked back to NAFA and we had supper at the coffeshop beside it. Another round of interesting conversation surfaced before finally calling it a night after 3am.
What a wonderful night out! It sure was a great way to de-stress!
A Tribute
My sis and I attended our local famous songwriter/producer-twin brothers, Li Wei Song and Li Si Song's concert tonight at the Esplanade Concert Hall. It was a great concert and knowing that they went through lots of hardship and perseverance to get to where they are today, made us very ashamed of ourselves. When things don't go our way, we'll always complain instead of finding a solution. If the Li brothers were like us, they won't be where they are today! They really deserve the success that they're having now.
We are very grateful to Wei Song and Si Song for helping and guiding us throughout our songwriting career. We'll remember what they have taught us, and we hope that we'll be as successful as them one day!
Cheers!
Great Work = Fun!
I played in a Thursday Noon Recital today with TYY and FY, and we performed the first movement of Russian composer, Anton WRANITZKY's (1761-1820) Concerto in C for 2 Violas and Orchestra. It's a very nice work and we had fun playing it, and most importantly, we did a great job! Hahaha!
I hope there'll be many more nice and interesting works for us to work on!
A Nostalgic Thought
My Russian student, D, told me this morning, that his whole family (both parents, 2 brothers and him) will be migrating to France this September. This is because he and his elder brother will be studying music there, so the whole family decided to uproot themselves from here. A tang of sadness came over me. I'm going to miss D and his nice and humble family, not to mention those delicious pizzas and cakes his mum made.
Sigh! I guess this is the harsh part of life. People entre and leave at various stations of your life. The only thing to prevent any regrets is to be nice and loving (in all senses) to those around us, and let them know that you mean it.
So to all my family and friends (whether I like you or not, and whether you like me or not), and not forgetting our 2 lovely dogs, Almond and Berry, I just want to thank you guys for coming into my life and making me who I am today. I hope that any misunderstandings, hatred and unhappy yesterdays will soon be forgotten and forgiven.
Long live everyone! Yeah! :)
Things That Drives Me Nuts
The January 2006 issue of Reader's Digest has an article on the things that drive people nuts. Here are the list of things that drive ME nuts:-
1. Rude people
2. Naggy people
3. Selfish people
4. Those who try to convert me to something I dislike
5. Spitting in public
6. Queue-jumpers
7. Waiting for my turn in a long queue just to pay for 1 item
8. Bad and rude drivers
9. Banks/Hotels/Clubs/Insurance Companies calling me to promote their stuffs and trying get me to fall into their "traps"
10. Body odour
11. Smoking in public
12. Dog owners who don't clean up after their pets
13. People who have no sense of time
14. The TV konking out just when the most exciting parts are showing
15. Fake Angmoh slangs
Mahjong Again!
I went to D's house with my sis for a game of mahjong this afternoon (yes, mahjong again!). D's friend, S, was also there. We played at the balcony of D's apartment, and as it was on the 4th floor, it was really windy. It was a really enjoyable game, not to forget the soothing musical tinklings of the little wind-chime hanging at the balcony.
For dinner, we had the pleasure of eating delicious laksa and Vietnam fried spring rolls, whipped up by D's mum, who's a great cook. The dinner conversations were also very enjoyable. I didn't know I could talk so much! Hahaha!
After dinner, we headed back to the mahjong table to continue our game, and we ended at about 9.30pm. It was raining when we left, but who cares? We had a great time, and that's all that matters! :)
Oh, Crab!
Today is 人日. It is also the seventh day of the lunar new year. My brother and sister-in-law came over for dinner and they bought over $100 worth of crab dishes, mainly chilli crab, black pepper crab and crab noodles, along with some side dishes of vegetables and chicken. Being a crab-lover, I enjoyed my dinner immensely!
What a feast! I was totally filled with crab! :P
Language Jokes II
During one orchestral rehearsal, somewhere in Europe, a conductor was busy waving his arms about, but none of the musicians looked at him or followed his eccentric beats. Frustrated, the conductor yelled,
"Why doesn't anyone look at my stick?!"
Language Jokes I
A friend was passing around his autograph book for friends to sign on. One foreign lady, whose command of the English language wasn't that good, left this message:-
Dear XX,
Nice meeting you and keep touching (she meant "keep in touch").
From,
YY
My friend censored this message before passing it to his other friends, just in case.
